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All Summer in a Day (Revision Exercise)

The following is a version of the short story All Summer in a day told from Margot’s point of view (1st person voice). It was written by a year 8 student (14 year olds) in 2002 as part of a class English exercise.

Your task is to revise this piece of writing and explaining the changes you made.

Write the passage from Margot’s POV also.

The kids shoved and pushed me into the closet. I tried to get out but it was no use, they had locked the door. I could see them through a small crack in the middle of the closet, watching me as I kicked and threw myself against the door. I cried and cried, but no one seemed to take notice, as if I was an alien from outer space. I could see their faces, smiling as if they have caught the alien. They turned around and just left me, unable to see the sun, unable to feel the warmth of the rays that was once felt. I had given up.

Just then I heard the rain stopped. It was as if, in the midst of a film concerning an avalanche, a tornado, a hurricane, a volcano eruption, something had, first, gone wrong with the sound apparatus, thus muffling and finally cutting off all noise, all the blast and repercussions and thunders, and then secondly, ripped the film from the projector and inserted in its place a peaceful tropical slide which did not move or tremor. The world ground to a stand still. The silence was so immense and unbelievable that you felt that your ears had been stuffed or you had lost your hearing altogether. The children put their hands to their ears, as did I. The door slid back and the smell of the silent, waiting world came into them.

The sun came out.

My eyes widened, as I watched the flaming bronze orb floating up in the sky. Memories came flashing back, everything seems the same, but I just couldn’t get the grasp of it. It was like dèja vu; only it was so long ago, when I was back at my home planet, Earth.

I hate this stupid planet.

The sky around the flaming orb was a blazing blue. The jungle burned with the bright sunlight as the children was released from their spell. Everybody rushed out, yelling into the summer time, everybody except for me. I was the only one left, still trapped inside the spell which was once cursed on everyone on Venus, now the spell has let all the prisoners free but it choose to not me but let my own race lock me inside a closet, just because I have once seen the sun before.

What did I do to deserve this? Doesn’t anyone care about me?

It kills me to see the children who have betrayed me, running and turning their faces up into the sky and being able to feel the sun on their cheeks like warm iron; they were taking off their jackets and letting the sun burn their arms. I couldn’t make out what they were saying for they had already ran into the far side of the field where as I was still in this crumby closet. But just watching out into the open wasn’t good enough to me. I want to be able to see the sun properly, the shape and the colour of it. I want to see the blue sky, contrasting with the colour of the sun. To be able to touch the soft grass which covered the whole planet. I want to be able to breathe the fresh air, which seemed to be coming out of a blessed sea of no sound and motion. I want, I want, I want what I deserve to have! I deserve to have what the children have, everything! I should be able to feel the rays ironing my soft cheeks, able to burn my arms and much, much more.

The children lay out, laughing, on the jungle mattress. Then ran among the tress, they slipped and fell, I see them pushing each other. It took me quite a time to realise they were playing hide and seek and tag, but most of the other children squinted at the sun until tears ran down their faces. They were not the only ones shedding tears, I was too but not because of the beautiful sun but because of the hatred for them and sympathy for myself. However it was still no use, no matter how hard I hate I’m still locked up. They wouldn’t care if I hate them or not they have no room for an alien like me.

They were able to look at everything and savoured everything. The, wildly, like animals escaped from their caves, they ran and rain in shouting circles. They ran for an hour and did not stopped running.

I wish I were there.

Sitting inside the closet I already lost all my energy and hope. Time flew by really slowly has I watched the children flutter about in the fields outside the butterflies. I envied each and one of them for they had the chance of being watched over by the sun.

Suddenly I heard a faint wail from one of the children, I stood up, trying to see what is happening. Peeking through the gap of the closet door, I could see all the children gathering around in a circle. I knew what was going on. Another 7 years before a day like this would ever happen again. The children walked back inside as the rain began to drop of their noses and cheeks and their mouths. The sun faded behind a stir of mist. A cool wind below blew around their hunched backs as they are walking back.

Watching them coming back all saddened, and their smiles vanishing I felt sorry for them. Was it wrong? Shouldn’t I feel happy? Why am I feeling sorry for them? It was them who made me suffer and they are getting back what they deserve. A boom of thunder startled the children and me. Lightning stuck 10 miles away, 5 miles away, a mile, half a mile. The sky darkened into midnight in a flash. It wasn’t soon till it will begin to rain, falling in tons and avalanches everywhere for 7 years.

I so wanted to slap them each in the face for making me suffer. I wanted to go home, where I can have the sun all to myself everyday, leaving them behind waiting for 7 years to see the sun only for an hour.

It took them a while to remember about me. The door opened, I walked out ready to give them a pay back. I couldn’t move or speak. All of the children were there, each and everyone full of guilt and sorrow, my eyes fluttered with tears as each of them came and apologised to me. it wasn’t then I realised I was the monster.

Q's by Isaac_Yong: how could Margot see the sun when the original passage stated when they lived underground??? Enlighten me!!! A's from Gary Heng to Isaac:I think you forgot about the BIG and clear glass windows.

Q's by Hazel: Margot was locked in the cupboard, right? how could she have seen the Sun then? Was the cupboard transparent or something? A's from Jek Kee: Here's a phrase quoted from the text :'I could see them through a small crack in the middle of the closet'. Q's from Hazel II: JekKee, the cupboard wasn't out in the garden right? Or was it right next to the window? Ok, I know this is kind of a silly quiestion...

Q by Melissa: It says that Margot walked out of the closet 'ready to give them a pay back'. If so, why is it that the next sentence is 'I couldn't move or speak'? A by Isaac_Yong Margot was stunned that "All of the children were there, each and everyone full of guilt and sorrow, my eyes fluttered with tears as each of them came and apologised to me." A by Jek Kee: Margot did not expected the children to be feeling like this, and because of this she was sort of stunned by that and so couldn't move or speak, as she was trying to recover from what just happened and what is appearing in front of her.

Q's by Shawn: Why can she still hear the sound of the rains although she was still inside the cupboard? A by Jek Kee: Sound travels in vibrations, so it is possible that she could hear while she was inside the cupboard. In addition, the rain on Venus falls in tons, so it is quite possible.

Q's by Shawn: How can the children look at the Sun? Q's by Isaac: True, their eyes are not used to such brightness

Q by Kimberley: it is true that you can see through a crack in the closet. but a crack is only a small fissure in the closet door. From Margot's viewpoint, how is she able to see all that is going on outside? She couldn't have seen everything:

quote: "The sky around the flaming orb was a blazing blue. The jungle burned with the bright sunlight as the children was released from their spell. Everybody rushed out, yelling into the summer time, everybody except for me. I was the only one left, still trapped inside the spell which was once cursed on everyone on Venus, now the spell has let all the prisoners free but it choose to not me but let my own race lock me inside a closet, just because I have once seen the sun before..--..It kills me to see the children who have betrayed me, running and turning their faces up into the sky and being able to feel the sun on their cheeks like warm iron; they were taking off their jackets and letting the sun burn their arms."

how could she see that the sun was surrounded by the blue sky? how could she seen everything that was going on outside, not to mention that the author is assuming that the closet is placed right in front of the window/glass wall? (which is very unlikely) and even if it were, the story mentions that the children ran around, and even into the jungle. How could she have seen them then? The author assumes that margot is omniscient, and is imprisoned somewhere in the sky, looking down on everything happening below.

Q by Jek Kee: She is in the closet, and the closet is deep in the tunnel, and the tunnel is underground, and the way to access underground is by this door hanging on the ceiling... quite impossible for her to see so many details as Kimberley stated.