Writing+Traits

=WORD CHOICE=
 * Word Choice Activity**

Read the following paragraph.

The __big__ bear stood by the water. He __looked__ at his shadow in the __big__ lake. He thought that he looked __nice__. He __went__ to take a drink of water. A fish __went__ by. The bear wanted to __eat__ the __big__ fish. He __ate__ up the fish and __went__ away.

You probably noticed that the author used words that were not that exciting. Brainstorm some words or phrases you could use, instead of the underlined words, that would make the story more lively and memorable for the reader. Revise the story adding precise, colorful words. Notice how an author's voice and choice of words makes a story unique.

The huge bear stood by the water. He gazed at his shadow in the vast lake. He thought that he looked handsome. He lumbered to take a drink of water. A fish swam by. The bear wanted to gobble the large fish. He munched up the fish and ambered away.

By : Shawn

The gigantic bear stood by the water. He stared at his shadow in the vast lake. He thought that he looked handsome. He walked to take a drink of water. A fish swam by. The bear wanted to gobble up the huge fish. He swallowed up the fish and ambered away.

By: Keith

The humongous bear stood by the water. He stared at his shadow in the huge lake. He thought that he looked magnificent. He trotted to take a drink of water. A fish swam by. The bear wanted to gobble the huge fish. He swallowed up the fish and ambled away. By: Vera

The __large__ bear stood by the water. He __peered__ at his shadow in the __vast__ lake. He thought that he looked __handsome__. He __bent down__ to take a drink of water. A fish __swam unnoticed__ by. The bear wanted to __make a dish out of__ the __large and sumptuous__ fish. He __feasted__ up the fish and __slowly ambled__ away. By: Jek Keeeeeeeeee

The __oversized__ bear stood by the water. He glanced at his shadow in the wide lake. He thought that he looked handsome. He bent to take a drink of water. A fish __swam__ by. The bear wanted to catch the large fish. He swallowed up the fish and ambled away.

WORD CHOICE is: The specific words that you choose create images, capture a reader's attention and make your story memorable. Look at your paper and decide: Have I used some strong verbs or colorful phrases that grab my reader? Have I chosen the most precise word? Have I used any **unique** words? Did I repeat common words too many times?

DEFINITION FOR WORD CHOICE With good WORD CHOICE, the writer creates a mental picture for the reader by using words that are specific and accurate. The writer uses strong action verbs whenever possible to show the reader what is happening rather than tell the reader. The adjectives are as descriptive as possible. The nouns are specific, not general. Striking words and phrases catch the reader's eye, but the language is natural and not overdone. Slang and clichés are used sparingly, if at all. The writing is fresh, appealing, and full of energy.

DESCRIPTORS FORWORD CHOICE The following list of descriptors is adapted from the Six Trait Analytic Writing Model rubric for word choice. I developed the list for my students so that they would have a reference for how writers develop word choice.

A writer should do the following:
 * Use words that create a mental picture for the reader
 * Use powerful action verbs
 * Use adjectives that are as descriptive as possible
 * Use specific, not general, nouns
 * Use language that is natural and not overdone
 * Use slang, and clichés sparingly
 * Be concise
 * Use words correctly
 * Avoid repetition

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DIRECTIONS: The sentences below contain vague, dull, and non-descriptive words and phrases. Rewrite each sentence with better word choice. Remove the vague vocabulary and replace it with words that are more precise and descriptive.
 * REPLACE VAGUE VOCABULARY WITH PRECISE PROSE**

EXAMPLE: The room did not smell good. REVISION: The science lab reeked of something hideous and rotten.

1.The man went down the street.

2.She went to work.

3.The teacher said something to the four boys.

4.The dog barked at something.

5.I was so happy.

6.The cat made a noise.

7.The child cried when he dropped his ice cream.

8.The man made a good meal.

9.The girl looked nice.

10.We were afraid when we looked down.

1. The enraged man stormed down the lifeless street

2. That woman rushed to work

3. The four naughty boys were told off by the angry looking teacher.

4. The ferocious bulldog barked madly at the suspicious looking delivery man

5. I was so elated at the sight of my presents.

6. The annoying cat meowed at the angry dog

7. The strawberry ice-cream was dropped by a careless child who cried after that.

8. The hungry tramp made a delicious meal out of his stale food.

9. THe girl was gorgeous

10. Upon looking down, we became scared stiff

By : Shawn

1. The hunchbacked, old man strolled down the busy street.

2. The women groaned as she drove to her office, the start of another tiring day.

3. The teacher whispered into the ears of each of the small boys a secret word that the rest do not know.

4. The fierce, agitated dog barked menacingly at the students that had disturbed its sleep.

5. I was so elated I felt as if I was in heaven.

6. The kitten purred as it went to sleep.

7. The careless child wailed as he pointed at the chocolate ice cream on the floor.

8. The chef cooked a delicious dinner.

9. The girl was pretty.

10. We were scared stiff when we looked down from the top storey of the building.

Keith

1. The bald, potbellied man ambled down the deserted street.

2. The grey haired old woman strolled down the street to work.

3. The exasperated teacher shouted and cursed at the four young boys.

4. The drooling stray mongrel barked ferociously at the cat sleeping in the tree

5. I was so ecstatic at the sight of my presents

6. The orange cat purred.

7. The careless child cried when he accidentally dropped his chocolate ice cream.

8. The starving man cooked up a huge feast for is dinner.

9. The girl was beautiful.

10. We were scared stiff when we looked down the steep cliff. By: VerA

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 * CREATE A SCENE WITH WORDS**

STUDENT DIRECTIONS: List five words or phrases for each scene below. The words or phrases must describe the scene accurately so that we can "see" the picture. Choose your words carefully. Do not use the same word/phrase more than once.

EXAMPLE: a waterfall


 * clear
 * racing
 * misty
 * splashing
 * flowing

1.a desert 2.a railroad train 3.an busy office 4.a playground 5.a sailboat race 6.a funeral 7.a thunderstorm 8.a cattle stampede 9.a rocket launching 10.kittens playing

1. howling, sandy, empty, vast, blazing 2. noisy, rushing, smokey, large, fast 3. (tap,tap,tap,tap)-typing on computer, busy, noise pollution, chaotic, rushing 4. screams, shouts, crying. laughter, noisy 5. splash, brrooommm- motor of sailboat, windy, shouting, bang- the start of the race 6. crying, sad, quiet, peaceful, consoling 7. (plip,plop,plip,plop)- rain, splash, bang, gloomy, dark 8. bellowing, cries of help from the cattle(those flattened to death), sandstorm, noisy, screams of people in its path 9. Boom, noisy, shouts of orders, quiet- just before rocket take off(excited), countdown sound 10. meowing, peaceful, lively, cute, small By : Shawn

1.Hot, dry, sand, cactus, thirst 2. loud, train, railroad, passengers, fast 3. office, busy, work, tiring, aches 4. swings, slides, see-saws, happy, children 5. sailboats, competition, fast, water, racing 6. grief, families, mourning, dead, cemetry 7. boom, loud, lightning, rain, thunder 8. cattles, run, charge, loud, dust 9. boom, blast, fire, space, astronauts 10. kittens, play, toy, fun, smile

Keith

--- 1.a desert -scorching sun -hot, dry air -mirages -sandstorm -dehydration

2.a railroad train -noisy -busy -crowded -bumpy -tracks

3.a busy office -documents -files -computers -people walking here and there -people talking on the phone

4.a playground -children playing -swings -see-saws -monkey bars -slides

5.a sailboat race -wind -sailboats -the beach -people competing -the sea

6.a funeral -grave -people crying -a dead person in a coffin -a pastor/priest saying prayers -people throwing flowers into the grave

7.a thunderstorm -lightning and thunder -a dark, cloudy sky -people staying indoors -hurricane -rain

8.a cattle stampede -a lot of oxen running in the same direction -the ground vibrating -a pride of lions chasing them -shepherds running for their lives -chaos and fear

9.a rocket launching -intense heat -debris -fire and smoke -NASA -astronaut communicating with the NASA headquarters via radio signals

10.kittens playing -balls of wool being unwound -basket -kittens pouncing unto one another -cute and cuddly -purring

Gloria

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 * SENSORY DETAILS**

STUDENT DIRECTIONS: For each subject listed below, fill in details for each of the five senses. Use details that really appeal to the senses so that the reader can actually feel, see, smell, taste, or hear what you are describing


 * topic || touch || sight || smell || taste || sound ||
 * trekking in the jungle ||
 * baking cookies ||
 * the beach ||  ||   ||   ||   ||   ||
 * the zoo ||  ||   ||   ||   ||   ||
 * the school ||  ||   ||   ||   ||   ||
 * the zoo ||  ||   ||   ||   ||   ||
 * the school ||  ||   ||   ||   ||   ||

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**Glossary of Glorious Words**
Add to the list below and learn from one another.


 * Interesting Words**

Said - whispered, cried, screamed, hollered, shrieked, bellowed, believed, weeped, howled, wailed, blubbered, shouted, exclaimed, called, yelped, screeched, yelling

Good - nice, pleasant, well-behaved, excellent, gracious, phenomenal, extraordinary, unique, fantastic, awesome, super, fabulous, wonderful, amazing, exceptional,

Big - large, huge, enormous, gigantic, gargantuan, giant, immense, great whopping, extensive, massive,vast,

Small - tiny, miniature, teeny, little, microscopic, petite, undersized, minute,

Laugh - chortle, chuckle, grin, guffaw, crow, titter, cackle, hoot, giggle, snicker,

Slow - swagger, saunter, shuffle, meander, amble, stroll, sluggish,

Happy - tickled, elated, thrilled, lighthearted, delighted, ecstatic, blissful, jovial, overjoyed, jubilant,

Sad - pitiable, downhearted, woebegone, forlorn, dispirited, miserable, wretched, dejected, disheartened, depressed

Went - traveled, meandered, scurried, trotted, hurried, scuttled, rushed, darted, dashed, bustled, crept, crawled, edged, strolled, roamed, wandered, ambled, scampered, trampled, walked,

Nice - pleasant, good, kind, polite, satisfying, enjoyable, pleasing, pleasurable, lovely, amusing, cheery, wonderful

Look - peer, gaze, peek, stare, glance, peep, glimpse,

Eat - nibble, crunch, gobble, wolf, munch, chomp, devour, gorge, swallow, gnaw, chew, bite, snack, gulp,

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =Tuning Your Voice=

Go here for your voice tunings! (responses)

===**The following short writing assignments will help you tune your voice. Describe each of the following experiences, things, or objects from a different perspective. Try to assume the role of each person. How would he or she describe things?**===